"The purpose of life, after all, is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experiences." - Eleanor Roosevelt

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

In Twos...

Everything in our household seems to happen in twos (at least)... no matter what it is.  The highs come in doubles, but with that, the lows are also multiplied.  After Ben's seizure, we have all been a little on edge.  Waiting for the next thing... making sure that Ben is okay... figuring out how to change his medication while minimizing side effects...  In the midst of this, Conner had a seizure last night.  He was in bed and he called for me before it happened.  We did call an ambulance because his seizure lasted long enough that we had to give him medicine to stop it and also because, like Ben, he hadn't had any seizures in years.  He slept for a long time when we got to the hospital and the doctors couldn't find any infections after multiple tests that kept us there into the early morning hours.  So we will change Conner's medication dose in hopes that will fix the problem... for now.  We will know more in a couple of weeks after we see the neurologist for both boys and order more tests.  Conner stayed home today so he could rest, but besides being tired, he is feeling good!

I remember what this feels like... calling 911, watching my son's room flooded with police and EMTs, riding in the ambulance, and subsequently sitting beside my son in a hospital bed while he sleeps.  Those hours in the ER... you might think they go by slow.  But not always.  My mind starts to feel like it is not my own anymore and I am numbed by fear.  It's been several years since we have been through this and now we have done it twice in two weeks.  It's amazing how one can pick up right where we left off.  I know what all of this feels like.  I've done it before.  I might have to do it again.  I sat there this morning, watching Conner sleep, and I felt helpless.  As the days go by, I know that it will get easier.  I know that both of our boys are going to be okay.  We will be watching Conner and Ben closely while they adjust to new medication doses.  It could be a long couple of weeks here at the Hedlund household... they are going to get very sick of me asking them if they are okay.  We are all going to be very tired, Nick and I from lack of sleep, and the boys from med side effects.  We will get through it, though, because that is what these guys of mine do.

Conner, Ben, and Nick... I love you guys more than anything.  Please... no more scary stuff for a while, okay?

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