"The purpose of life, after all, is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experiences." - Eleanor Roosevelt

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Good News...Bad News...

Ben had a couple more seizures last week which earned us another overnight in the hospital... He is doing very well now and he and Conner are hopefully (finally) getting over this latest cold. The good news is that the neurologist thinks that Ben is having atypical febrile seizures because he has always been sick with some kind of infection when he has had his seizures. That's good because he still has a great chance of growing out of this! The bad news is that the medication he's been taking obviously isn't working so he will probably have to be weaned off of that soon. Meds don't work for the seizures he is having, so the likelihood that he will have more seizures is pretty high. The thing about seizures is that they look really scary, but luckily they very rarely harm the brain unless they last for a really long time. Ben truly scared the crap out of us (again)... he had his seizures at the doctor's office and then later at the ER so at least we were in good hands the whole time... This latest seizure was the hardest because Ben didn't respond very good once his seizures were over and it took a while for him to start moving enough oxygen again... He is almost completely back to normal (just a little tired and grumpy) and the rest of us are trying to redefine our new version of "normal" for our family! We are going to be living with this fear of more seizures for a while... hopefully, over time, we can handle it a bit more calmly... but we'll see...

Today I am afraid that my fear and exhaustion is getting the best of me and I cannot wait for Nick to get home and take some of the pressure off... I can't help but look at my two boys and cringe every time they cough knowing that the infection in their bodies could lead to a seizure... this makes for some long days and nights! The good thing about today is that they are feeling pretty good because they have been running around here like little maniacs, the bad thing is that I have no energy left to deal with this... I finally just got them to nap but I know that it won't last long... On days like these I wonder where I will find the motivation to even get out of bed tomorrow... but at the same time I know that I will because I have 2 little boys who are counting on me for everything! I love them so much...

And there is my BenBen now... hard to be mad about not napping when he smiles at me like that...!!!

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